My husband and I have been married for two years. Ours was a love marriage. I'm Hindu and he is Christian. While we agreed to follow both traditions equally, things changed after his elder sister moved in temporarily due to her divorce. She insists on us attending church every Sunday, and recently criticised me for putting up a rangoli for Ekadashi, saying it's against their beliefs. My husband tries to avoid confrontation and says it's just for a few months, but I feel sidelined in my own home. My parents advise me to be patient, but I'm starting to feel like I am the outsider. Am I overreacting or is this a sign of incompatibility?

Dear MM,

Be very forthcoming and expressing to them that there are a few things that you might be unable to comply not because you don’t respect them or their customs, but because it causes you more effort to do that.

Another way to think is: it’s only a couple of months that they are around, can I simply work around it and sort this out amicably?

Truth be told: we focus on what we don’t like more than what you like and then what we don’t like starts to grow in the mind with situations and people associated with those become ‘villains’.

Now, I don’t say that you don’t have challenges, but to worry about a baby when there isn’t one as yet, seems like you have already decided how horrible things are and will be.

So, you will be fighting a battle with your partner and put him in a fix to fix things, Why don’t you do that yourself?

Draw boundaries by clearly stating what you can do and do that with a lot of love rather than as a favour.

Once they see and feel this, they are maybe willing to see things from your point of view as well and adapt to your way of thinking.

Give some, Take some.

I am sure this is something that you might surely be able to do considering that you are working hard to make things happen.

So, All the Best!

Two marriages; only one of which is out in the public and no kids from the second one. Nice arrangement, but one that makes you uncomfortable and now your daughter senses it too.

Ask yourself: what do I want from this relationship/marriage? Write it down clearly starting with the words: I want……… (Do not limit yourself or tell yourself what is possible or not; simply write everything that you want from it)

Once you have done that, go through it and check how many on the list seem like an absolute must have for you; those are some things that you value and cannot be compromised for anything. If you have already begun to compromise on them, then you have begun to devalue yourself and your future as well.

Stop right away and NOW. Anything or anybody who moves you away from what is important to you must absolutely not be given a place in your life.

Since, you mentioned talking to him is not an option, keep this list handy and picture what your life will be without him and check how it feels.

If it feels right moving on, just DO IT. Strength is in holding onto what you value and stand up for. But of course, if it helps, do try to have that discussion and iron things out.

Always remember: Value yourself and value what is important to you and let nothing or no one keep you away from that.

Wishing you a beautiful life!

She seems rather detached.

Explain that you would like her to be more involved in the marriage and share more of an equation with you.

Ask if she is comfortable in your home. Listen to what she has to say; if there are any complaints, address them.

It sounds like you live with your parents, and at the onset let me tell you that is usually a mistake. Particularly in an arranged set-up, where she has to adjust to not one but three people with whom there is little emotional attachment from the start.

Your problem should not be her sharing her life with her own family; that is unfair. Why not, if she is expected to share her home with yours? Because you're a man?

But yes, you should actively try to establish a warmer relationship with your wife. Being kind, open and compromising will go a long way in having her open up to you.